Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
