The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just pee around me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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