Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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