I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
