I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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