U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I forget how to act sober
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