Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
