I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
