Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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