May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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