allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
