I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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