Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
