p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
