WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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