I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sober January is a disaster.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize