Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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