plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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