Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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