Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
