On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the raccoons are back...
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