Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
