your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
