It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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