Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
