Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
