Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
