She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
