I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
