She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
