she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
