they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
