K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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