i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
