it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
