if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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