i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
