I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
