You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
