Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
