I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am available for nakedness
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
