my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
