My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
