Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
