I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think i have herpe
just one?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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