i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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