need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
