so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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