I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We got so high we made milksteak
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
