Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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