I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
