Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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