Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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