she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
