They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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