she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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