he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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