why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
