I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
