White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
