woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
