This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
