i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
