i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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