The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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