Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
