we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
