the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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