My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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