Is it normal to miss your booty call?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
