its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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