he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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