Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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