My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
