New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
